my ultimate goal is to be at peace with myself, eliminate toxic feelings and elements and energies from my life, unlearn negative and harmful practices and thought patterns, stop checking for people that don’t check for me, create a space for myself that is nurturing for growth so that i may generate loving energy for myself and for others, nourish my spirit and balance my energies, i have big dreams and i deserve to live a life i love and let that love radiate
when you wake up
and forget how to look at the world with warmth,
when it takes all of the energy you have
to turn off the alarm and open the blinds:
when you forget to eat for days and push in your ribs ashamed,
when you look in the mirror
and see your stretches coming back,
the vitamins you take every morning,
the anxiety medicine in your purse
when you can’t fucking breathe
because you had that dream again
and you can’t fucking think straight
because you feel that breath on your neck:
when you can’t sleep and stare at the ceiling
playing your past like a projection lit by the glow of your phone,
when you feel like your wings were clipped
by a man who never asked before climbing into your bed,
when you’ve gone months without writing anything
and months of doctors appointments on your schedule:
remember that you may still be young
but your bones have held you so strong
please don’t ever let them stop whispering,
please remember this:
you are stronger than this.
you deserve more than this.
you fought the war before it began
and you’ll celebrate the victory long before it’s over.
if you are losing weight and getting fit right now and you’re in college, with a job, in your late teens or early twenties, and you are not only struggling with the bullshit that goes with school and work but also trying to get in the best shape of your life while also simultaneously coping with the inner monologue in your head that won’t shut up about your imminent future as an adult in the real world, you get mad props from me.
I’m stuck between wanting:
1. A long lasting relationship with my soulmate who supports me and protects me and is my partner and we are completely bad ass together and in love
2. Wanting to have casual sex and rip out the heart of everyone person I meet
3. Being independent and having a loyal dog while I’m married to my career